Eli

photo taken the day I went to hospital

I have to say that God was very kind to me and brought my mother from Brazil to help me for two weeks before the birth and another 8 weeks after it.
I was 8 days over due and there was no sign of Eli getting any interest of leaving my body so they book me to a induction and at the hospital we found out it wasn't needed as I was 4cm dilated and in labor already.
The labour lasted 23 hours (which I slept 3 times thanks to the amazing Epidural) and end up in 20 minutes with an emergency C-section.

Eli's first photo - 2 hours of life

Eli's head got stuck and at that point the medication was droppping my blood pressure and Eli's heart bit was also dropping so they didn't try anything else: just let's go and cut the girl! They took him very quickly and someone put him beside me. He open his little eyes and look at me. I thought: " My baby is looking at me! He is  looking inside my eyes!" (Such things come to our minds at these times, the boy just open his eyes and happened that I was there...he could have looked at a sea horse and he couldn't tell the difference!)
I have little memory of the next few hours after labour because my tireness was so bad that I insisted with Garreth that Eli had 6 toes. I remember having a reaction to the pain killers and shaking  mad while my temperature was raised. I couldn't hold Eli for at least 1 hour and all I could do was to watch Garreth cuddling him in a corner. I was a bit jelous! I'm the one who carries him for 9 months and go through labour but I'm the last one to hold the child! So unfair!

First family photo

When I was ready to hold him I just couldn't control my sleep and had to ask Garreth to be around as I could drop him at any moment.
Finally we were alone and I could have a good look at my little boy. I have no idea what time I was taken to the ward but I think it was late enough because Garreth left me alone to rest quite soon.  I looked at him and thought he was very alike his uncle Connor, my husband's brother and laugh with the thought: " What people will think when they see you are alike your uncle and not your daddy?". I found amazing the fact he had the same birth mark as my husband on the back of his head and said - this time quite loud - no doubt you are Garreth's son. You have his stamp! (At that point I didn't know that uncle Connor and nana Sharon had the mark too! Just amazing!)
Hazel, a friend from church and midwife who worked at the maternity came around to help me breastfeed and I was delighted with the help. It was around 6pm when she came as far as I can remember and that was the last time Eli fed.
The next hours was quite difficult! I was so tired after the long hours of labour and Eli just didn't stop vomiting some dark liquid which the midwives said were perfect normal for a new born to do so. That was ok till I realise that the liquid became a kind of bright green and he was getting sick too often, not interested in feed and not passing any wet or durty nappy.

Nana Sharon

At some point that night I called the nurse and said I thought the baby wasn't well because of his constant green colored vomit, cry and lack of interest feeding. She said that I was tired and a bit paranoid  because it was my first baby so baby was ok.
I couldn't sleep that night either (after 23 hours labour...keep adding the hours awake!) and in the morning there was no change on Eli's state.
The nurse shift changed and I called another nurse in charge and shared my concern. She also said it was ok and there was nothing to be worry about. I showed her all the sick clothes and also how Eli's chest seemed raised (I remember thinking: Gosh! My son will have a chest like a bird!)
I was truly worried about him and totaly hopeless with the help of the nurses so I prayed and asked for help. 10 minutes later Hazel come around again to check on us and I shared the trouble. She also thought that it would be important to investigate his green sickness and ask the nurse in charge to come have a look and ask the doctors to come and see Eli. (By the way it was the same nurse I talked 3 times prior to that!)
In just 20 minutes a doctor came to see him and checked his tummy. He said Eli would need a X-ray to check if something was blocking his bowel as the green liquid he was throwing up was Bile, a fluid secreted by the liver and discharged into the duodenum.

Garreth was on his way to hospital with my mother and he was coming for the visting time to meet his mum, step father and dad.

Granda Robert

Everybody arrived and all the buzz about a new baby was going on. I'm not sure how Garreth was at that moment but he was just trying to back me with the visitors as I still had no sleep and had my mind at the fact that Eli was going to have a x-ray. That was enough to bother me. My baby shouldn't have a x-ray after 20 hours of life!
In the middle of the visit from the grandparents Eli was taken to do the x-ray. The grand parents didn't stay for long and left before the doctor return to talk to us.
The doctor said there was something blocking Eli's bowel which needed to be investigated so they were transferring the baby to The Children Royal Hospital in Belfast (we were at Craigavon) as they had an excelent ward and doctors prepared to take any action needed. Then he said: "He might need an operation."
That sentence worked as an echo in my head. It was just there and I couldn't digest it!
The nurse came to take Eli and prepare him to the ambulance. Another nurse came to ask if we were ok. Garreth said something about we been objective and strong for the baby and at that point it was something I felt too then Garreth left after some more talk with the staff about trying to transfer me to the Maternity at the Royal so I would be closer to Eli.

First photo with a very tired mother

It was quite quiet at the ward and for the first time I felt how sore my operation was. I felt desappointed by the Creator who created my son so I sat on the bed and cry. I don't know if the expression " I cryed bitterly !" works in English but it describes the kind of cry that comes deep from your soul and make it ache! That was my cry! I said to God: "I shouldn't be here. It shouldn't be me!" I got some song my sister sent me about finding peace in the Prince of peace and play it at the mobile phone over and over again trying to find it for what I knew who God was in my life but it was such a struggle!

Daddy helping to settle baby

I could hear Eli's cry from the nurse station. My first reaction was to get up and follow the cry. I found him with the doctor and a nurse trying to put a drip on him. I really want to take him from them, hug and say: "That's ok. It was a misunderstanding. You are ok now." Another nurse saw me and aske me to go back to my bed as I just had an operation and had no sleep. Soon they came to say Eli was ready to go and I could go to see him. He was inside an incubator with so many marks on his hands and feet of the attempt to get a drip. It was so painful to look.
Garreth and mum came back and on the way to the hospital we could see Eli's ambulance driving through the motorway. It was raining and I couldn't take my eyes from it. Now and again we lost it and then found it again among the cars. I thought:
"It is wrong to take a baby way from his mother like this. I should be inside that ambulance with my baby. I should be there with him."
I know that praticalities might not allow a mother to be transfered with babies to other hospitals but I have to say it is a painful separation  to baby and to the mother. The feeling of impotence and failure in keep your baby safe and well is horrible. I think it should be handled in a different way at least for the mother's sake.
We arrived at the royal quite late. Eli was taken to the children's hospital and I was in the other building at the maternity ward with lots of babies...
but no baby to hold!

Friends celebrating Eli's birth