A longer account of our journey!

So...here we are to continue our journey.

The first night at the new maternity wasn't very though. I was so tired that slept like a rock. I was just woken up by a doctor trying to get a blood sample while I was sleeping  but she had to  ask how to spell the name ELI which I found amazing she couldn't do it by herself.

At 5am a multitude of baby cries woke me up and later a nurse ask me if I was ready to have my breakfast. I said I was sooooo ready and waited for it patiently...two hours later no breakfast was served and I got up from bed and struggling to walk to the nurse station but determined to have something to eat I asked for my breakfast...

Then I found that breakfast wasn't served on the bale, but in another room which mothers should walk to if they want to eat. The problem is that nobody told me that and I missed the breakfast time. As a good Brazilian I decided to let them know how upsetting it is for a mother who didn't have proper food the previous day because of the hosptal change and is tired, sore and weak to not have the appropriate information about the maternity routines...besides to be watched by a group of mothers nursing their babies with inquisitive eyes about "where is her baby?" wasn't nice too...so not having the breakfast that morning caused a big impact on me. It just made me to have a deep dislike for the place...once I tried the food I realised I wasn't missing much.

Getting a cuddle from daddy.

Before the operation...a very sick baby.

Thankfully Garreth was coming with my mother and they brought something for me and at the afternoon shift a lovely midwife (which unfortunately I forgot the name!) not just assured me that I was going to a side room so I could be taken from the site of other babies as she understood it would be very tough emotionally but also granted us the blessing of having my mother at all time with me in the room something is just possible for the partners.

Once capuccino and chocolate muffin was taken and I settled in my new side room with my faithful helper (my mother) with me the same nurse came to  check on me and encourage me.

Soon after Garreth was back from the children's hospital to give some updates about Eli.

He wasn't been fed with milk as his bowels needed to be empty and clean to do a biopsy, they were doing a wash out in his tummy to help him to relief himself and had a drip on at all times. Garreth said he had his moments which he was unsettled but most of time he was ok and the biopsy was going to be done that day...to help with my mother boredown he brought her a word surch in ENGLISH and believe me she was buzy enough trying to find one.

I had a few visitor that day but the order of the events are quite confusing in my memory.

My second son wearing Eliºs dungaree.

I remember my mother in law, Jenny and  Alison visiting. I think Wilma was still in Australia at that point and returning in a couple of days. I remember Nicky visiting and she brought music which was so helpful but maybe it wasn't that first day. Then Linda Gordon came with pijamas for me and they were such a great gift. She also brought a beautiful denin dungaree for Eli which he never wore as it was for a new born and unfortunately didn't fit at the time he could wear it. Then I dress up my second baby on it. Hazel came to see me with a bag full of delights to help me with the breastfeeding job and any other person who came I just apologise because I forgot. Nobody could go to see Eli at that stage. So Sad!

Then as I talked with my mother in law she asked me something about Eli's looks and I tried to remember that particular detail but I couldn't...I just couldn't remember Eli's face.

In fact that shocked me and deeply upset me. I just couldn't remember him. It gave me butterflyes the possibility of Eli dying at the other hospital and myself not having memory of his face. 

silly husband.

Cuddle from vovó Dirce.

That day my amazing husband came with a wheelchair and we crossed half of Belfast (joking!...but with my pain it feels like it.) to see Eli.

First visit to see Eli...sore laugh because of tthe silly husband.

I arrived in the ward and saw 6 incubators in two rows of three, placed opposite each other. All my concerns about not remembering my baby's face faded away as I look at one particular incubator where a baby was crying and in a matter of seconds I said: That one is him...what a relief. I knew my own son!

Mum and Garreth went away for some minutes and I had my first encounter with Eli's Doctor, Mr. Isaac Philips. He came to the bale and started talking about Eli.

What did he say?

I have no idea.

I was so tired that I couldn't understand a work he said. Quicly he realised that and ask:

Where is your husband?

Toilet - that was my only word. And he decided to wait for Garreth.

I spent as much time  I could with Eli but then it was time to leave and that separation wasn't very easy but at least I saw him, I recognise him and I went to bed that night picturing his face in my mind over and over again as to memorize his face.

I looked around the room and noticed there wasn't one single thing there that would show people that a baby was born...nothing celebrative...I missed a baloon...a simple heliun baloon to say : IT'S A BOY. 

It was a restless sleep...emotionaly sore, physicaly sore and spiritualy things wasn't getting easy either...and I seriously wanted a baloon!

Next morning was a important one.

Garreth came with photos of Eli taken by his mother so to avoid myself to forget him again. I found it very thoughtful from my mother in law and really appreciated the gesture. Later, Garreth came with important information:

Eli was diagnosed with hirschprung disease and had to go through an operation.

There was two options which we had to choose.

The first one was called something like KEY HOLE, which they make three little hole on his tummy for intrument and a camera. Then they would cut off the bad part of his bowel and re-connect to the rectum....there was a period tho which we had to flush his bowel three times a day at home, using a seringe and some other thing till a second and third operation could be done...I honestly can't remember much of the details.

 It was a new method and I think it was done just around 9 times...all successful.

The other option was to open a little hole on his tummy and pull part of his bowel out, something they call stoma. A colostomy bag would collect his waste and we had to empty it when needed and change the bag every three days. After 3 -4 months when Eli was stronger they would close the stoma, pull the bad part of the bowel aside and re-connect a good part to the rectum, so he could use his bottom.

 The operation would be done that day so we had just ...that morning to decide.

Garreth, my mother and I talked through it and decided to go for the colostomy bag option. Then Garreth left to let the doctors know our decision.

The team...photo taken by my father in law...yes, I rememer now. He came and visit!

Later that day Garreth returned looking a bit strange.

He said he took Eli to the area where children are admitted to the theater then a nurse said: " Do you want to say goodby to your son?".

Garreth said he left the place and found a area withing a garden close to the hospital and just broke in tears...to ask him to say goodby to Eli wasn't that natural and normal...he could never return...but we just waited and pray he would return.